Ok, you're hired!

the bodies are all though that door there.
If you ever need more just grab some people off the street.

Ahh, the general populace. So innocent, so naive, so... expendable. So anyways... what exactly do you do here?

Basically, run a human body chop shop.

'looking for a part? we've got it'

I like, I like. I think I already have some "clients" that might be interested in this new business.

Are they buyers or 'donors'?

Buyers mainly, but now that you mention it, there is this one guy who keeps complaining that I "ate his wife" or something. :angel:

and you didn't give him any of the leftovers? shame!

We so should recite haiku about our heroes!

"Mighty Chewbacca
What is your bandolier for?
I think sandwiches."

Kadino my man
what an excellent idea,
might become a fad.

Back from days of yore
Are memories of Jester
We would duel in here...

His avatar was,
actually rather scary.
And kinda camp too.

I sit here and rhyme
with no point but diversion.
Perhaps more WarCraft.

Warcraft or Haiku?
The choice is for you alone,
but do not falter.

/target Nemesis
O M G L M A O
/laugh /cry /laugh /chicken

Whoa, did I just say something unintentionally funny or what?

Bhwock Bhwock-wock, Muhock-wock-wock.

I call upon the power of the great Smoldering Mug of Ragnaros to wash us our sins away (from our minds)!

The heck with it, I can't stand this place to be idle like this! (Not even the Mug could get a decent response! Then again I guess I'm the only hardcore WoW'ite here)

Now I guess I'd better order some more food as I've apparently neglected to place FD's corpses in a refridgerated area. I bet we could wrangle up a few inhabitants with the promise of free food...

Hey, the vultures will still eat them.

No need to worry about vultures, the Khakainers probably haven't even looked in here yet.

Either way, I must start plotting planning... we shall throw a party in here tonight. Yes, that will... erm, be... good.

What's the occasion?

Obviously the occasion isn't important enough for you to know.



There will be a sacrifice though. Be it human, or animal.

Animals are too cute. Let's sacrifice a dumb human.

Shazbot! Party moved to tomorrow (err, later today) due to a warcraft binge. (27 epics dropped in The Molten Core :))

I'll prepare the sacrifce!
*grabs a random person off the street*

I am FREE! Free! Yes, Free from the confines and obligations of society!

Time to barbeque some slightly stale meat! Oh, and the drinks are on #1.

While we're using #1's credit, I'd like to go buy a yacht...

All yachts purchased on Cafe money must fit in a bushel-sized glass bottle and come with musically-inclined pirates who also might be ninja and whose capitan is Ninja Jesus and/or synthetic Ninja Jesus.

Hey! What did they do with Pirate Jesus?!

Do not question your faith young one. Trust in the one, true Ninja.

Or simply drink more, and it will no longer seem immoral.

*Is random person grabbed off the street by Karo*

Hey, I was having fun walking down that there street. But a ninja jesus sounds intriguing. What's he do? Walk up walls and turn peoples blood into wine so that their so utterly wasted he can finish them easily?

Ninja Jesus can walk on air and summon a batallion of Seraphim Samurai at will.

Yet hush! He may be among us - it is unwise to anger gods and ninja alike

*slaps Nem*
Quiet, sacrifice! It's blasphemy for you to speak!

Don't worry Nem, nobody's sacrificing anything you won't grow back.

Sacrifice? What am I being Sacrificed for?

I demand a lawyer, and as much sugar as you can gather.

*Snaps his fingers*

Your body mass in sugar lies in the three burlap sacks you are now using as a chair. More will come later, and don't worry about lawyers. The Cafe has a powerful anti-law field that prevents it from the influence legal institutions.

Now we are going to commence the pruning of your hair. Don't worry, you will soon fall into a sugar coma and will not feel the tweezing bite of folicle removal.

He's getting too aggressive... I think it would be best if we neuter him..

*goes to get scissors*

Holy Shizat!

*consumes vast quantaties of the sugary goodness and manically throws some at Karo and Kad to keep them away*

Neutering is overdoing it! Maybe a circumcision.

whatever.
*puts the scissors down and goes to get a potato peeler*

*starts running round in circles while slapping his face seemingly at random with various body parts*

ALL HAIL THE POTATO KING

*stops shortly to consume some more sugar*

THE MITTEN KING SHALL SMITE THEE!

(mittens > potatoes)

*Nem does not, at this point, care as he is passed out on the floor in a puddle of frothy foam emitting from his mouth*

Oh great, he has rabies now! Guess we'll just have to shoot him...

No, that isn't rabies, I think one of the sacks might have been powdered carbonic acid. It's turning the water in his body into sugar and oxygen. To save him we might have to put him in a high-pressure environment, to prevent the acid from breaking down too rapidly. Just for this occasion, I've prepared a giant Soda Bottle.

*Casts Warp*

Well, now the acid inside him will seep into this uncarbonated rootbeer, and recarbonate it.

Is he supposed to implode like that?

The implosion effect is created with mirrors.

But now we have rootbeer.

Flavored with human blood!

*Nems spirit form tries unsuccesfully to enter kadinos body and control it. He headbuts it a few times but can't peirce kads aura and so sits in a corner and crys soulfully..haha.. sorry*

Whoa, there's a ghost in here!
*calls the ghostbusters*

This place is filled with a variety of [shady] characters.

Yep, and now theres one more. :) welcome to the forums and the thread. Have a nice stay, don't be shocked by the fact i'm dead and in the company of a small fluffy moogle and a small fluffy kitten lover.

I sense beastality.

I sense dinner.

*takes out knives and runs after Not That Social*

If you're going to run in the cafe, at least have the decency to bring scissors.

And don't run through my etheral self, I find it very offensive.

Uh oh maniac kitty lover is running after me. What ever shall I do? *man in distress* I guess it's a bar fight. *puts on cowboy hat*

*tosses him an iron bar*

Here's your bar, now fight it!

*she runs in, twirling a tassle in her hand. Her hair has been cut short, and dyed bright blue*

YO!!!

*she blinks, confused as to what she had just done.*

Hi, how are you doing?
If you know, please tell me, cause I'd like to know how to do it too.

*shoves a human arm into the meat grinder*

I'm just peachy! Your self?

Okay. No one ever ever allow me near dye kits that involve bleaching your hair. *spins and falls over* WHEEE!

Hi there, Peachy! I'm Karo.

Yes, and never drink bleach that comes in dye kits. Clearly third-rate.

El Oh El. Boris Karlof said "slunk"

Ten slightly sticky nickels to whoever knows what I'm talking about. That's enough to buy a whole Cafe Nachos Grande con Ongos Fantasticas here.

Mmm, I wish I had that much money. I could turn this headache into a magic carpet ride... (another possible 50¢)

KITTY!
*hugs Nightbringer to death*

Awwww.... Kitty went away... :(

Kitty? Where?

*she dances about.* Where is the kitty?!

I'm a kitty! ^__^

*Finishes another round of assorted alcoholic beverages*

Damnit man, I must say, I hate you with every bone in my body, with every ounce of my soul... But I've gotta say, at the same time, I love you with all of my heart! Now KISS ME you fool!

*Makes out with the bartender and then sobers up*

Whoa, what the hell? I swear, if you tell ANYONE about this... What happens in Tri-Links, STAYS in Tri-Links.

Do you need it? Hey, I need it, too. Well alright do you need it? It's good for you.

You got it. I'm sure the TV crew over there knows that too.

*Is mildly peeved at curent state of being*

Well is anybody gonna use a phoenix down on me or what?

All I have are these stupid materia. I wonder if they melt in my mouth better than in my hand.

Well a nice Life 2 will do just dandy. I need to regain physical form to slap you around for almost eating my chance for salvation.

*shifty eyes* *kidnappage* Bwahaha! *blinks* Now what?

*sees nemesis* Hello! *Manages to tackle glomp with Karo still kidnapped*

*mews and wiggles in AL's grip*

Kitty wants down! x.x

Hey AL, sorry about the fact you just passed right through me. I'm currently just a ghost. Where you been? You keep popping up and then vanishing for a few months.

*Shadow, who has been sitting in the corner just sorta absorbing everything for a long freaking time, stands up*

Indeed AL, you keep popping around.

*takes a iron rod. Shoves it in karos eye socket*

I only like lazy kitties.

what's up fellas and ladies, anything new?

Been busy with school work. Every time I thought I was free from it.... >.< Grrr...

But I should be free for the summer at least. *nodnod*

*looks over at Karo* *sigh* Alright. *puts him down, and looks at flyboy. She points up.* The cieling!

Wow, the ceiling is facinating, isn't it?

Well, he did ask what was up. :3

Eh those responses are getting to me. Just say "nm u" and life will go on.

Then after that you kill everyone in the room and say "not you"

Now that would be irony.

Curiosity was framed.

Haha, I love your new avatar, Kadino.

Le chien! *glomps the puppie in Kadino's avatar, then sets it down and eyes it warily.*

Most things cute are evil.... *looks over at Karo... then hides self in a corner.*

Refunds are also available, but you need to have your carcass and papers on hand.

Don't glomp that puppy, it's packing a loaded handgun. And a pointy tail of lethal design.

And they eyes...*shudder* they're cold and unforgiving.

I want to poke it! ^__^

*hides behind Nemesis.* Hideth me, s'il vous plait!

Never fear, the canine has passed, yet has only retired to the Cafe Cell to clear out it's Quest Log. It shall return, but only after many rats, goblins, and barrels have been slain.

Barrels arn't alive...


Or are they!!?? O_O

It doesn't have to be alive to be slain!

And slay it we shall!

Someone needs to play more Hack and Slash.

Also I need a nap. And some Lasers.

PEWPEWPEWPEW!

*gets an axe*
Die barrel, die!!

Barrels are resistant to animal-based melee. Try magic, or hurling humanoids.